


Again

by Stillreadingfanfictbh



Series: Larry One Shots [12]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fashion Designer Harry Styles, Happy Ending, M/M, Self-Harm, short fic, ummm - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:47:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24831859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stillreadingfanfictbh/pseuds/Stillreadingfanfictbh
Summary: Louis relapses, Harry finds him in the bathroom
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Series: Larry One Shots [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2162739
Comments: 1
Kudos: 22





	Again

**Author's Note:**

> TW for self-harm, be safe babes.

It's been a couple of years and he just wanted to feel it again. He didn't really have a reason to cut himself, he was just laying in bed, thinking about what he used to be like, and wondered why did I like it so much? So he figured, why not try it? For old times sake. The fact that he was a little drunk and sad egged on his actions. Louis was laying next to his oblivious sleeping boyfriend. He crawls out of bed and tip-toes to the bathroom.

As quietly as possible he opens and closes the bathroom door and turns on the light. Their bathroom is huge, thanks to Harry's rich-ass family, they can afford such a nice bathroom (and house). Louis sits on the closed toilet seat for a second, as if trying to grasp what he actually thinks he's doing.

Louis really isn't thinking straight when he opens the second drawer on the left side of the pretty porcelain sink. He pulls out his cheap razors (because no matter how many times Harry tells him about that expensive electric razor, Louis will always use the cheap ones from the supermarket). He pulls one of the razors out of the plastic container they were in and took off the protective piece over the top of the razor. Louis just stares at the razor for a bit. He thinks about how he used to get the little blades out of the plastic. He remembers always struggling, and he always ended up cutting his fingertips.

Louis pulls the scissors out from Harry's side of the sink, the third drawer down, kept in the bathroom because Harry was sick of walking all the way to the kitchen just to cut the tag off of their scrunchies.

Louis tries to cut at the razor. He struggles with the cheap plastic for a couple of minutes, but he finally gets the blades out. They are cheap and flimsy, but there are four of them and they can get the job done.

Louis used to cut on his hips and thighs because no one needed to see what he was doing, but in Louis tipsy mind he decided that the wrist would do for now. It was easier to access, rather than taking off his pants.

In his right hand he holds the small blade, Louis flips over his left wrist. He blinks slowly and thinks about if he really does want this. The thought quickly disappears. He just wants to know why he liked it. What it would feel like. He wants to remember.

He pushes the blade onto his wrist and winces right away. It stings a little but honestly doesn't hurt that bad. Some little dots of blood show up. Louis sighs a little. He pushes the blade harder, will it hurt more or less when he tries to go deeper?

It hurts more. Louis gasp out in pain and moves the razor away from his wrist. Suddenly, Louis feels more somber. Louis turns on the sink and runs water over his wrist but it continues to bleed.

"Shit." Louis whispers to himself, he unrolls some toilet paper and presses it onto his wound. He holds pressure on it, it doesn't hurt as bad if there is pressure.

Louis starts crying because what the hell was he thinking? He has some fancy ball tomorrow night, he can't show up with cuts on his wrist. He'll ruin Harry's reputation as a designer. Louis will ruin his own reputation.

Louis must be crying too loud because there is a loud knock on the bathroom door. Louis cries louder, and Harry opens the door (didn't he lock it? Apparently not).

"You okay, Lou?" Harry asks he kneels in front of Louis who is now sitting on the edge of the bathtub.

Louis shakes his head and shows Harry his wrist, he whispers, "I'm sorry."

Harry's eyes widen at the sight of blood seeping through the toilet paper. Harry let's put a little gasp before pulling a little first aid kit out from under their sink. Harry digs through it for a bit before bringing out an antibacterial wipe and one of the bigger bandaids.

Harry is no stranger to Louis self-harming tendencies. He was there for Louis in college when Louis would hurt himself until his vision blurred from pain and blood loss. Louis and Harry went to a small private college where they lived in suites instead of normal residence halls, so everyone in the suite got closer to each other, they were like a little family. Because of this, Harry would sometimes walk into Louis, room without knocking, and seeing Louis in upsetting situations.

Louis and Harry didn't even start dating until after they both graduated from college, and Louis was mostly mentally well when they moved in together. So Harry hasn't had to deal with Louis in such a vulnerable situation in a while.

Harry silently cleans up Louis' wrist and drags him back to bed. He crawls into bed next to Louis and spoons him. They lay in silence for a second, but Louis knows that none of them are going to go to sleep until they talk about this.

"I'm sorry, Haz," Louis says, he shuts his eyes to prevent the tears from leaking out.

"Why did you do it, babe?" Harry asks with a tight voice, Louis can tell he is trying not to cry; trying to be strong, as always.

"I don't really know." Louis says, "I think I mostly did because it has been such a long time. I wanted to feel it again, and..."

Harry pressed his face against Louis neck and nudges him with his nose, urging him to continue speaking.

"I've been missing you so much lately." Louis says, "and I know now that your line is done, you won't be so busy, but part of me still thinks that you are just going to go straight into your next project. I just want to be with you for a bit, I just miss you."

"You don't have to worry about that anymore, Lou. I won't start my next project until a few months from now. We are going on vacation together soon, it will all be better."

Louis nods, "I have just felt really lonely lately. And I feel like I've been using you. I stay home like a housewife, bumming off you and your family's money while you go out to be a successful designer."

"You aren't bumming off my family and me, Lou." Harry says, "you help me out with everything, and you even started that whole fundraiser thing. That was all you."

"With your money, babe." Louis says, "I think i need something that's mine. A job to focus on or something."

"We'll get you a job then." Harry says, "as long as you think it will really help you, is that all? is this the only reason you're upset?"

Louis nods. He just wanted to remember, really. But it hurt, he shouldn't have done it.

"Do you think you are willing to see your therapist again? Just for a couple of weeks?" Harry asks, he's turned on his side now looking deeply into Louis eyes. He runs his fingers over his chin and his cheekbones and his lips, "I know relapsing is normal, it's just been such a long time. I don't want this to spiral."

"Of course i'll see a therapist babe." louis says, he grabs onto harry's and and kisses every single ones of his knuckles,"I'm sorry for scaring you."

"It's okay." Harry says, "talk more in the morning? It's late."

Louis nods, he pulls Hardy closer to him, "okay. I love you."

"I love you too, so much."


End file.
